Dumb and Dumber…

So my truck breaks down and I hafta leave it in the parking lot at work. I can’t figure out what’s wrong with it. I have one of the maintenance guys look at it and he can’t figure out what the problem is either. The issue was this…

Open the door and the cab light comes on, power right? WRONG lol As soon as I turn the key to the “ON” position the power cuts out, I’m saying as if the battery was dead, NO POWER. Wiggle or move the negative battery cable just right and the cab light comes back on! YIPPEE we got power! WRONG AGAIN! Turn the key to the “ON” position and CLICK! Out goes the power! UGH! I heard anything from starter, to starter solenoid, to starter relays, you name it I heard it! So I get a bright idea! TING! GOOGLE IT! And I did! Turns out I am not the only one that has had this problem. As it so happens the issue is the BATTERY CABLE! (Or so I would be led to believe)

YAY! Now I know my problem and the solution is clear! Go pick up a new battery cable and go put it on the truck……only I’m stuck up on the mountain with no way to the auto parts store, or to my truck! Quick! Think think think! MY BROTHER! So I send a quick text to my brother, who replies he has no gas to get to me, or to my truck, let alone a stop at the auto parts store. DAMN! Now what?!?! I need to get this truck fixed so I can get my fat ass to work! I already missed out on seeing my little girls for 1 day!

As I am racking my brain to figure this out a thought strikes me….GREEN! He lives basically at the foot of the mountain! And since I know he is the nicest guy in the freakin world, and would never tell anyone in need No! Hahaha I called him up. The conversation went a lil sumpin like this:

Me: Hey Brotha, are you busy today or can you help me out with a huge issue?

Josh: What’s up Brother?

Me: I gotta get to the Autozone to pick up a battery cable and get to my truck to fix it so I can get to work on friday. My brother was supposed to help me out but bailed on me last second.

Josh: I gotta take Rose to a doctor’s appt this afternoon.

Me: That’s cool, no problem man I will figure it out, She ok?

Josh: Yeah just wanna get her checked out, tell ya what I think I can get ya there before I hafta be at her Dr. I will get her packed up and come get you.

The conversation goes on a lil bit with thank yous and no problems and such, and ends with Josh sayin I will call you when I head up the mountain. Well I decide to go ahead and head out to meet Josh, he calls me  when I am about half a mile down the road and I give him directions to where I am at. Soon after he pulls up and I get in. I again tell him thanks and the first thing I get from him is a wisecrack about having to come get my sorry self to run me around. HAHAHA! He cracks me up with some of the crazy shit he says, and is so dead pan about it that if you dont know him you would think he was serious. (In my head I hear him saying ‘I am serious’ LOL) The radio is on and Rose is in the backseat gooing and humming and we take off to find the auto parts store. Now the Store Finder on Autozone.com stated the nearest store was 7601 Standifer Gap Rd. Our workplace is 7609 Standifer Gap Rd. Can’t miss it right?

45 minutes later and 20 miles outta the way (I hear banjos as I roll down the window) we finally decide to go to E. Brainerd Rd. which is not far from our work because we know there is an auto parts store there. Driving down the road I tell Josh, “You better get in this lane, cuz it is on this side.” 5 minutes of cussin out jackholes who won’t let him over, we make it to the right lane. 1/2 mile down the road he starts chuckling to himself and points to the autozone. ON THE LEFT SIDE of the road. (We had already passed O’reilly’s Auto Parts because I think they are too expensive) So back to the LEFT LANE we go, this time fairly easy. BUT Josh overshoots the driveway entrance and decides to go across two lanes to the Advance Auto Parts store exactly opposite the Autozone. So back again we go to the right side of the street. This whole time Rose is being so good in the backseat as we traipse around all of Chattanooga lookin for that damned Autozone. I get the part Josh drops me off at work with a “Hope that fixes your problem, I would hate for you to be stranded!” LMAO

Well the battery cable did the trick (SO FAR) and Josh and Rose had a good rest of the day. I picked up my baby the next morning and had a blast with her. And made it to work on Friday!

Josh when you read this, keep in mind while I portrayed us both as retards LOL I love ya like a brother, you were there when my own brother was not! I can’t and won’t forget that! Thanks from the heart of my bottom!!  🙂


  1. I was serious….. I was put so far behind schedule that I couldn’t fit in marital relations later that evening.
    However, I would do it again, because I am pretty much made of awesome!

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